Smiling


This is a life of extremes
Both sides are slippery and enticing
These are my places off the rails
And this, my loose recollection of a falling
I barely remember who I failed
I was just trying to keep it together

This is my first wave of my white flag
This is the sound of me hitting bottom
This' my surrender, if that's what you call it
In the anatomy of my crash

And I keep on smiling
Keep on moving
Can't stand still

Me, the notorious bottom dweller
Me, the ceiling-less brave explorer
Lured to the ends of overwhelm

This is my first wave of the white flag
This is the sound of me hitting bottom
This' my surrender, if that's what I call it
In the anatomy of my crash

And I keep on smiling
Keep on moving
Can't stand still

Such pretty forks in the road
On this continuum I've been bouncing
Life flashing promise before my eyes

This is my first wave of the white flag
This is the sound of me hitting bottom
This' my surrender, if I can bare it
In the anatomy of my crash

And I keep on smiling
Keep on moving
Can't stand still

Ablaze

The first thing that you'll notice is some separation from each other
Yes it's a lie, is that we've been believing since time immemorial
There was an apple, there was a snake, there was division
There was a split, there was a conflict in the fabric of life

One became two and then everyone was out for themselves
Everyone was pitted against each other; conflict ruled the realm
All our devotions and temperaments are pulled from different wells
We seem to easily forget we are made of the same cells

To my boy, all that energy so vital
All your hues and your blues in equal measure
Your comings and your goings-away
My mission is to keep the light in your eyes ablaze

The second thing you'll notice is that often we think that there's not enough
It might feel dark, it might feel lonely and you'll wonder why you're here
You may be overcome with darkness and a sense of hopelessness
But it won't matter if you keep the core connected to the one-ness

To my girl, to your innocence and fire
When you reach out, I am here hell or high water
This nest is never going away
My mission is to keep the light in your eyes ablaze

And this cord is unbreakable
This pilot light is there in your pocket
And this bond, beyond un-shakeable
Even if we all forget
All at the same time
If we forget at the same time

To my boy my precious gentle warrior
To your sweetness And your strength and exploring 
May this bond stay with you through all your days
My mission is to keep the light in your eyes ablaze

To my girl, all your innocence and fire
When you reach out, I am here hell or high water
This nest is never going away
My mission is to keep the light in your eyes

(To my boy) The first thing that you'll notice is that everything is temporary
(To my girl) The next that you might notice is that we will always be a family
(To my boy) My mission is to keep the light in your eyes ablaze

Reasons I drink


These are the reasons I drink
The reasons I tell everybody I'm fine even though I am not
These are the reasons I overdo it
I have been working since I can remember, since I was single digits
Now, even though I've been busted
I don't know where to draw the line 'cause that groove has gotten so deep

And nothing can give reprieve like they do
Nothing can give a break for this soldier like they do
Here we are
I feel such rapture and my comfort is so strong
One more hit
It feels so helpful in my need for respite
oh oh oh...

And here are the reasons I eat
Reasons I feel everything so deeply when I'm not medicated
And so that's it, I am buying a Lamborghini
To make up for these habits, to survive this sick industry

Nothing can give reprieve like they do
Nothing can give me a break from this torture like they do
Here we are
I feel such rapture and my comfort is so strong oh oh oh oh
One more sip
It feels so helpful in my need for some long overdue respite
oh oh oh oh...

And these are the reasons I don't even think I would quit
And these are the reasons I can't even see straight
And these are the ones whom I know it so deeply affects
And I am left wondering how I would function without it

Here we are (oh oh oh)
I feel such rapture and my comfort is so strong oh oh oh
One more rip (oh oh oh)
I go from one lily pad to another to stay lit oh oh oh….

Diagnosis

Call it what you want
'Cause I don't even care anymore
Call me what you need to
To make yourself comfortable

I've not left the house in a while
I've not felt a glimpse of ease
And I have not made much headway
Since I have come back from the war
And I no longer give a damn
'Bout things that used to matter
And I am covering my eyes
As I am frozen on the spot

And call it what you want
'Cause I don't even care anymore
Call me what you need to
To make yourself comfortable
So I am debilitated
I can't remember where the sentence started
When I'm trying to finish it
And all of you are so frustrated
And everyone around me is trying to help as much as they can

My house is spotless, my lens is
Skewed, my limbs, they recoil
And I'm folding in on myself
Since I am out of order

Call it what you want
'Cause I don't even care anymore
Call me what you want to
To make yourself comfortable
So I am debilitated
I can't remember where the sentence started
When I'm trying to finish it
And all of you are so frustrated
And everyone around me is trying to help as much as they can

But I'll move on in this meltdown
Of nervousness diagnosis

Call it what you want
'Cause I don't even care anymore
Call me what you need to
To make yourself comfortable
So I am debilitated
I can't remember where the sentence started
When I'm trying to finish it
And all of you are so frustrated
And everyone around me is trying to help as much as they can

Call it what you want
Call me what you need to
To feel comfortable

Missing the miracle


You call it "right", and I call it "simple"
And somewhere in the middle, it's "truth"
And you see the hill, and I see the castle
Our front that was united is doomed, ooh

You call this "brick-and-mortar", I call this "sacred skin"
You see the figure skater, and I fear the ice is thin
And the light is all around us, but when we spar, it's dim
We're right here in the middle, missing the miracle

You see the cloud and I see the lining
And somewhere in the middle is sun
And you say "It's greatness" and I say "Bad timing"
And when we leave the ring, no one's won, ooh

I go for the jugular, you knock 'til you get in
You hold the loud and raucous, and I hear the dropping pin
And you run all front and center, I whisper paper thin
We're right here in the middle, missing the miracle, oh

The winter gets long
The rapids get white
And what doesn't kill us turns to grey

You call this "brick-and-mortar", I call this "sacred skin"
You see the figure skater, and I fear the ice is thin
And the light is all around us, but when we spar, it's dim
We're right here in the middle, missing the miracle

Missing the miracle (The light is all around us)
Missing the miracle (The light is all around us)
Missing the miracle

Loosing the plot


Welcome back, insomnia
Ushered back into silence only when everyone else is sleeping
And 'cause the city is sleeping
No one ruthless is rushing to get to the front of the line, as usual

'Cause I am losing the plot
I am grieving the end of superwomaning
I have laid down my cape
As though I haven't risen like a phoenix from a thousand deaths
As though I have not been reborn to notice that my mission is not dead yet

I'm exhausted, Midas
Reigniting a hunger that typically fuels those of us
Still searching for something outside ourselves
'Cause this city bears violence
And everybody is rushing to sob at the podium
And thank for ones who loved and exploited well

I am losing the plot
I am grieving the end of superwomaning
I have laid down my cape
As though I haven't risen like a phoenix from a thousand deaths
As though I haven't been reborn to notice that my mission is not dead yet

The light at the end of the tunnel
The one I have always prayed for is a train
At a hundred miles per hour
And it promises to break my bones if I don't stand still
Rip my heart out, ambition mill or bust
With my relevance in dust

And I am losing the plot
I am grieving the end of superwomaning
I have laid down my cape
As though I haven't risen like a phoenix from a thousand deaths
As though I haven't been reborn to notice that my mission is not dead
As though this fame and pressure has not been a vice around my head
As though my heart has not kept all my cynicism under the mattress

And I can't keep it up
Though the fire is not out yet
I am losing the plot

Reckoning


Hey, hey, little wanderer
You walked the fields with all the fences down
You never knew the scent of the predator
You didn't know the house was on fire
And so you walked, as you should
While they preyed on all you ached for
And they pounced, as they would
While the guards were away
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh

Hey, hey, you murderers
You got away while they claim I am a liar
Why aren't the gods and heroes all around me?
And everyone's turning their eyes to the ground
And so, you strike, while it's hot
While the barricades are broken
You attacked, at your will
While all the locks are frayed
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh Ooh, ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh

Sandbox love


Catapult me out of this fantasy
It's never been mine, it's always been yours
Take me back in time, start all this from scratch
Please go slowly, 'cause I'm apprehensive

(Ooh, ah, ooh) Into what really happened
(Ooh, ah, ooh) I try not to remember
Here we go, into the danger zone
But this time with a friend

Awkward as fuck
Precious as fuck
Scary as fuck
Us in our sandbox, sandbox love

I'm holding my breath, smoke came from these ears
Said he can't control it, that it was my fault
Take me back to square one, and clear this flashing back
Please tread lightly, 'cause I'm an open affront

(Ooh, ah, ooh) Into what really happened
(Ooh, ah, ooh) I've tried to block it out and
Here we go, into the danger zone
But this time with a friend

Awkward as fuck
Sexy as fuck
Sacred as fuck
Us in our sandbox, sandbox love

'Cause I have not been ready for this challenge
My soul is shy when you ask for more contact
I close my eyes and picture myself somewhere else

Thanks for showing up
Thanks for proving them all wrong
'Cause you are my love
And you are not them

Healing as fuck
Playful as fuck
Present as fuck
Us in our sandbox, sandbox love

Awkward as fuck
Sweet as fuck
Here as fuck
Us in our sandbox, sandbox love

Her


I am on the floor
I am in my kitchen
This place is so familiar on my knees
I can hear the footsteps
I can see their back walking out
I don't know who to reach for when I need

And so I'll pray to Her today
I ask for mercy and I beg for pauses, ooh
She's coming in warm all like Kali
And coursing through my veins like Liquid Mary, ooh

She's not buying my shell
She sees right through my armor
She lingers in my shadows knowingly
She treats them like they're angels
And maybe they are angels, really
She beckons me to braver inquiry

And so I pray to Her today
I ask for mercy and I beg for patience, ooh
She's coming in hot all like Shakti
And coursing through my veins like Liquid Mary, ooh

And even though she knows me well
It doesn't mean it's easy to pull me out of my self-imposed hell

She knows all of my secrets
When I'm out of my body
I'm starting to see outlines of her face
She follows me when I run away
And even when I cut her off
She still says that she loves me, come what may

And so I pray to Her today
I ask for mercy and I beg for pauses, ooh
She's coming in hot like all Kali
And coursing through my veins like Liquid Mary, ooh

Nemesis


So I opened the front door, you walked in all handsome
And ready for something you saw in my eyes
Right here, we sat and we tripped out
Saw celestial mosaics, and I fell and I crawled over and held your hand

And nobody worried about the roof being blown off
So I went farther than I'd ever gone before

Change, you are my nemesis
Transition, I hold my breath
This about-face, I'm excited, I'm excited yet
I'm filled with despair, anticipation and dread
This metamorphosis closed the door and opened a window

And so I climbed the stairs and bled, and here was a starseed
Right here he came to us in the bed in our bedroom
And you trusted me enough to follow me anywhere
Or the other way around, the other way around as well

And I blocked my nose and dove in the deep end
And swam like my life depended on it, and it did

Change, you are my nemesis
Transition, I hold my breath
This about-face, I'm excited, I'm excited yet
I'm filled with despair, anticipation and dread
This metamorphosis closed the door and opened a window

Oh, no
Oh, no

Right here, in this very backyard, we promised forever
And we put our helmets on and threw the confetti
And then there's the phone call
Telling me to breathe in through my nose and out my mouth

And out came our girl, faster than we thought
And now I am beyond recognition
I guess that's a good thing, and still, I want to go deeper

Change, you are my nemesis
Transition, I hold my breath
This about-face, I'm excited, I'm excited yet
I'm filled with despair, anticipation and dread
This metamorphosis closed the door and opened a window

Pedestral

I'm sure you’ve enjoyed the ride, who wouldn't?
I'm sure every perk has perch you up, how could it not?
And every opportunity through me helped you climb, didn’t it?
Dropping my name, blew doors; open, now we're close before

And one day, you'll see that you've never really seen me
One day, you'll find out that everything you dreamed of wasn't who stood before you
One day, I won't be craved the way you're craving now
As this pedestal crumbles still and crashes me to the ground

I’m sure you enjoyed my name, who wouldn’t take advantage?
I'm sure you enjoyed this game and the proxy pride that you landed
And everything by carrying you seem to build you up
And you grab my crown, and got everything you wanted

And one day, you’ll see that you've never really loved me
One day, you'll find out that everything you dreamed of wasn't who stood before you
One day, I won’t be craved the way you're craving now
As this pedestal crumbles still and crashes me to the ground

You're left with a human being
You're left with a fallible soul
Oh, when the glitter falls
I'm here and sometimes average, sometimes more
When the glare of the lights grow dim
And you're left with a delicate real
When the bright lights clear, there's just me sitting here

One day, you'll see that you've never really seen me
And one day, you'll find out that everything you dreamed of wasn't who stood before you
One day, I won't be craved the way you're craving now
As this pedestal crumbles still, as this crusty crash is done
Crashes me to the ground

I'm sure you've enjoyed the ride, who wouldn't?
Who wouldn't?